there was a time in my life when i bought into the hype of finding my soulmate or that one person that was meant for me. now i’m in my 40s stumbling along as i figure out this weird AF place called dating. the questions and choices to consider are different at this stage of life. i’m feel like i am in a foreign country trying to learn a new culture, etiquette and rules of engagement, but that’s a post for another day. 

back to soulmates. 

we don’t have soulmates. 
we have choices. 
we choose our person, and we hope the person we choose, chooses us in return. and we hope that we keep choosing each other for a lifetime. 

as i navigate this brave new world of dating in my 40s, i am reminded of the wisdom my dear friend @anguyenr116 gave me. she told me, “choose the person that treats you the best.” 

it’s simple yet profound because too often we don’t choose the person that treats us the best. 

we doubt.
we overthink. 
we sabotage. 
we settle. 
we rush.
we freeze.
we remain silent when we should speak.

i wonder if it’s because deep down inside we don’t believe that we deserve the best or perhaps we haven’t faced our healing work in the ways we should so that we can name our triggers.

i know that i spent my 30s healing from the romantic wounds caused by choices i made in my 20s, and the choices that the men i encountered made. facing that trauma and choosing to sit in it until i experienced liberation was painful AF!

looking back while looking at how far i’ve come, choosing the person that treats me the best looks like choosing: 

someone who is curious about life and me. 

someone who is honest with themselves and me. 

someone who wants to grow, and who i can grow with. 

someone who can both give and receive love. 

someone who inspires me, and who i inspire. 

someone who i can experience happiness with. 

i’m choosing the person who invites my soul to crawl out from its hiding place. periodt. 

we can choose each other for a season or for a lifetime but regardless i’m choosing the person who brings out the best in me. 

what does choosing the person that treats you the best look like?


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